I just can't believe that I spent 8 months of my life on the other side of the world in the great United States of America. Maybe you didn't already know but this was obviously not my plan. So many exchange students dream of coming to the USA for years and I never had this dream. Sure enough, I wanted to make an exchange year but it wasn't too big of a dream that I would chase the opportunity like nothing. When one of my teachers gave us the flyer about the CBYX I was like 'well you can at least try it' and my parents just shrugged their shoulders and said if I want to I can apply but they never thought I would get this far. Without my mom chasing me to the selection interview I wouldn't be where I am today. My whole family believed in me from the start and was certain, way more than I, that I will be chosen. When the letter came with the mail I cried so much because I didn't want to go. I was never homesick in my whole life but now that the decision was made I just wanted to stay home, just live my life in this small town. Going to America for 10 months I just couldn't see myself in that position that wasn't me and it probably never will be. I was never this typical exchange student, I was never chasing the stars or dreaming of living in another country. I was older than the usual exchange student and I never had this exchange student sparkle on myself that makes foreign students so cool. After the preparation week my fire for living abroad was set and I think I never made friends that mean so much to me in such a short amount of time. The time stood still for the whole week like there was this little happy bubble around all of us and we don't need the world outside. Unfortunately, I had to realize the day after this amazing and unforgettable week that life sometimes plays evil jokes on us and we are torn between two worlds. I don't know how to describe the time until our departure but you kinda just get passed through with all the things that need to get done and all the sudden you start to realize that you have to leave your whole life behind to build a new one. There's this moment of small regret when you hug your friends for the last time and cuddle up with your pet, why are you even doing this crazy stuff? I never had a real motivation or statement why I was going abroad, it just kinda happened as crazy as that sounds. I thought I would find the purpose why I was so lucky to be chosen from all the applicants in America but I never found it. I'm still thinking about why all of this happened, why me and why did I have to spend the last moths with my mom behind a computer screen so I was never able to ask her all those questions that were there. If I would've known in that moment that I will never be able to hug my mum for real again in my whole life, I'm sure I would've never boarded on that plane. If I would just have known that I will never have a normal face-to-face conversation with her after that I would have never left and stayed here in Germany to enjoy the last few months with her. But I didn't know all that stuff and maybe it's better that I went on that plane and had the best year on the other side of the world. Even though I was good prepared from my organization in Germany and knew about what I was eventually going to face when I'll set my foot out of the plane and into another world, it blew my mind. Normal exchange students know about all of these things like Homecoming and Prom, I never heard of that. I had no idea that I had to choose as quote under my yearbook picture and that houses in America really look American. I was surprised about how real all those things in the movies are, all those small hints inbetween the lines. I watched High School Musical for the first time and realized after some time that it's all kinda true even though people don't agree with that. There really are those High School couples, all the Drama is real and I'm not surprised anymore if somebody just starts to sing and dance a song in the hallways and everybody just joins in when you hang out with Band people this stuff really happens. Sure I could've prepared myself better so I would've known all these opportunities along the way that a High School has for you but I think in the end it was better for myself to just get surprised on every corner along the way. To go into this experience without any expectations and hopes.
From the start I felt so welcomed in my dear host family which really has a set place in my heart. Normally, I'm super nervous when I'm truly on myself but I never had this feeling with my host family. The luck I had with them is enormous and I never thought before that there would be a family behind the ocean who would feel like my real one. I will be forever thankful that they opened their wonderful home for me and made me feel just like a family member. Even though I don't call them mom and dad they are like another set of parents for me. It was so unbelievable easy for me to find my place in their middle and it helped my mom so much to know that I'm safe and sound. To know that I was super happy in America and the goal of seeing me again after this time helped her so much in her treatment. I always tried to keep my contact with my parents in Germany as low as possible, just how we were supposed to do. But at the end of the week I always found myself in front of the Laptop screen and talking to her about hat happened, every other day I texted her while I was eating breakfast and asked her about how she would handle things. Maybe in the back of my mind I knew that I had to have as much contact as possible because I would never have it again in my life. She was always so happy for me and so thankful that I was able to see all these places and experience these months and even though she was 6 hours in front of my time and just on as screen she was the most important person for me in this exchange year. I also have to thank my fellow exchange friends, you all gave me this little Germany and Europe when I mostly needed it. I thank you so much and the best part about having exchange student friends is that you can visit them because as much as they were your daily doses of European mind set now they are that little taste of America in Europe. Last but not least I'm thankful for all of my friends. It took me a while until I realized that I already had so amazing friends in Germany and that they are definitely not guaranteed and especially, since I was in the US I realized this. All the sudden I didn't know any people nobody is greeting you in the hallway and you're alone in school. It's hard to ask people if they want to partner up with you for group work when they already have their set people. To stay in the middle of the cafeteria without any plan where to sit because nobody knows you is even harder and you feel so little and alone in that moment. Even though the American High School is so cool and nice it took me a long time until I felt truly at home there. I was always looking for another opportunity to find good friends. And this longing for them kept me from seeing that I already had a whole bunch of good friends there. That I was able to try so many different things like Cheerleading and Musical gave me great friends from every section possible. All the sudden I felt so welcomed in the school and I was happy with every 'Hi' I was able to say in the hallways because I knew those people by heart. That so many of them came to my last evening there and wrote into my small book made me cry even more. And all of you amazing people let me have this longing for coming back to America as soon as possible. Because I had all of you and my lovely host family I was never homesick even when the circumstances were bad. But now you all make me feel the worst wanderlust I ever had. I never thought that I would fall in love with the USA and consider it my second home and favorite country but all of you made this experience so unforgettable and perfect.
Normally, there's no perfect exchange year and even when my early departure gave this a bittersweet taste I would still say that these months were perfect and I actually don't regret them. I loved being involved in the Musical and sing my lungs out on stage while just having a blast with you guys, to be part of the Cheerleading squad and finding my first friends there who were going to follow me throughout the whole year or even being part of the Softball team with me as the worst player ever, I just enjoyed standing at the side of the field and cheering my girls on. Unfortunately, I also had to realize that plans sometimes don't get real no matter how much they are set and for sure because life sucks in those moments and gives you all the bad things in the world. But I know now that no matter where I am, in Germany or the USA, I have a whole family and circle of friends standing behind me and I am counting the days until I will see you all again because it hurts inside of me being away and missing all those moments that I planned with you!
There are so many quotes about being an exchange student and at the beginning of the year they're just empty words but now that I'm back I can say that so many of them are true. But if there's one thing for sure, then that I'll be back and cuddle all of you because this is not the end!
Finally, I can't say anymore than THANK YOU to every single person! No matter if you were in Germany and followed my Blog over the months or if you are one of my American friends, without all of you this experience wouldn't have been the same and as smooth as it was! Thank you for making this opportunity possible!
Yours Hanja :-D
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